


The Abridged Memoirs of ----, Cat, Presented in Alphabetical Order for the Sake of Expediency

by narie



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, M/M, feline POV, outsider pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-06
Updated: 2012-10-06
Packaged: 2017-11-15 17:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narie/pseuds/narie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With time Cat learns that Blaine is Kurt's like Kurt is Cat's. But Cat does not have to like this. Or Blaine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Abridged Memoirs of ----, Cat, Presented in Alphabetical Order for the Sake of Expediency

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as part of the second round of the Klaine Endgame fest on LJ and Tumblr. The prompt was "Klaine through the eyes of their cat," and I had far too much fun with it.
> 
> With many thanks to airgeer and ileliberte for their betaing and cheerleading. Ileliberte is also responsible for the drawings. :)

**Absence**  
One side of the bed is cold, the pillow unused. His litter box is clean, but his dinner is late and his water fountain is running low, shed hairs floating in the reservoir. The warm thing is gone. Cat has searched all through the house and has not managed to find it, not even in all of the other places where Kurt sometimes hides it.

Kurt went out two nights ago and has not yet come back despite Cat's plaintive meowing, despite his desperate scratching at the not-bed's sides and despite the fact that Cat has done nothing to deserve it, hasn't even eaten a single one of Kurt's beloved plants. Kurt is gone and has left Cat alone with Blaine, and it's the worst thing he has ever done.

With one last ragged meow Cat heads back to the place where Kurt's warm thing usually rests and curls up there, feeling the warmth of the day's sun on the wood, closing his eyes. Blaine has followed him, and he rubs his fingers softly behind Cat's ears, something Cat wouldn't normally allow from him. "You actually miss him, don't you?" he says, and keeps on rubbing. So pronounced is his longing that Cat rolls over onto his back, and Blaine makes a little huff and starts brushing his fingers along there instead. "It's just a week more, pal; he'll be back soon and you can shed all over him again."

 

 

 **Bath**  
Now Cat is cold again. So cold; not even the fact that his belly is still full of lukewarm milk eases the sensation of sodden fur clumped to his skin. The human has taken all the water away but left him shivering and surrounded by gleaming grey walls. He can no longer feel the weight of the human's hands holding him in place, so he gathers himself and leaps, hopefully to a drier and warmer place. The place where he lands is not wet, but it is high above the ground, and as he considers his next move the human returns and then, suddenly, Cat's world is narrowed to white.

"Come back here - the worst is over now," the human says, his voice oddly distorted. Cat feels his hands rubbing against him through whatever this thing is, gentler than before. He tries to squirm away once more, burrows his head one way and then the other, but there's no escape that he can find. He can't even move his paws, nor coil himself small and powerful to leap again; between the cold and the helplessness he gives up and stills. "The internet told me that the best thing for the fleas was to give you a bath with Dawn. Obviously I used Method, but I hope the principle holds."

Slowly warmth returns. The human keeps making human sounds as he rubs at Cat through the white thing, loosening his hold so Cat can peek and stare at him. He looks like all other humans do; furless except on top, with strange flat ears and an oddly flat face. Humans are strange, and despite the milk Cat does not trust this one, at all. Maybe if he gets distracted Cat will be able to leap away; he twists from side to side trying to loosen the human's grip on him, testing, but his hands are fast and there's still no escape.

When the shaking and trembling are over, when Cat's fur is no longer wet nor yet smoothed into place, the human stops and softly rubs his hand against Cat's head instead. Cat could leave, if he really wanted, but the rhythmic motion of his fingers against Cat's ears is soothing, and the human seems to mean no immediate harm. They stay like that for some time, long enough that Cat is purring and content and daring to hope he will be given more milk, until the human says, "Well, Fanny Brice. I guess we're going to have to move onto Blaine's second ugliest shirt."

 

 

 **Blaine**  
One day Kurt comes home fighting with another human, dropping two heavy bags on the floor and forcing Cat to dodge in order to spare his tail. Although other humans sometimes come home with Kurt this is the first time Cat has ever seen him fight any of them. And yet from the moment they arrive they are biting at each other's mouths, hands and arms batting and swiping and pulling each other close, making strange sounds and never letting go. They push each other up against the walls, they flip each other over, and Kurt keeps saying, "I missed you," and, "I can't believe you're back," with the other human answering, "I love being home."

Without any greeting at all for Cat they stumble through to the place where Kurt sleeps, fighting still, rolling over and taking off their clothes, leaving a trail across the small floor. Kurt repeats, "I missed you so much," and the other human says, "I missed you more," and pushes Kurt onto his back as they fall onto the bed.

Cat creeps in closer to watch, because he knows that is not a good position to be in, belly bared in the middle of a fight, and he's ready to defend Kurt from this human that has followed him home. He jumps onto the bed, watching Kurt roll the two of them over again, but the other human outsmarts him and they keep on tossing and turning, evenly matched, until suddenly part of the other human is on top of Cat; he's pressing Cat down, pining him down. Frantic and scared Cat sticks his claws out, batting them in front of him, until the weight rolls off and he can jump away to the safety of the narrow table by the bed.

" _Augh! Ow!_ What the--" the other human says, rolling off Kurt and reaching for his leg, narrowing his eyes at Cat. Cat arches his back and fluffs his tail, and prepares to hiss and leap if necessary to defend himself. Or Kurt.

"Oh," Kurt says, half-heartedly rolling over but not reaching out to soothe Cat, "That's Mister Arnstein, I guess. Mister Arnstein, meet Blaine. _My_ Blaine," he says, showing Cat his teeth like he sometimes does, and starts up the fight again.

 

 

 **Breakfast**  
Cat looks up and meows pitifully once more, because Blaine is standing too far from the food dish and making strange faces again. He's holding the dry boring food in his hand, shaking it like one of Cat's toy balls, and Cat just wants his Kurt back, not this human who thinks he's dumb enough to fall prey to his ruse. Kurt would know what Cat wants, and if Cat meowed long enough would give him some of the nice food, instead of the stuff that Cat has to chew and doesn't taste nearly as good.

"Fine. _Fine_ , if it'll get you to shut up," Blaine says. "But only because he's not here. You know you're not supposed to eat this stuff too much anymore."

Kurt has been gone for four nights now. Without him there at night Blaine shifts all the time, and sometimes kicks Cat in the face. Cat's been woken up more times in the middle of the night this week than any time before; he has started sleeping on the chair instead, which doesn't smell nearly as much of Kurt as his abandoned pillow. But Blaine must have understood what Cat wanted this time because after a loud breath he puts down the dry food and holds up one of the little things that Cat knows are full of his favourite food, moist and fishy and far more delicious.

 

 

 **Burt**  
New and strange humans seem to often follow Kurt and Blaine home. At first Cat worried that they were going to be like Blaine, arriving and never really leaving again, but neither Kurt nor his Blaine appear eager to share their territory with anyone else. When Cat hears extra footsteps approaching outside their home he darts to his hiding spot behind Kurt's plants and watches the new humans until he is satisfied that they mean no harm. Then he leaps down and walks amongst them, tail held high in the air as he moves from lap to lap, finding some of them stiff and still and others desperate to see him go. He generally finds them all lacking, and ends the journey napping on top of Kurt, or near him - never on top of Blaine.

Of all the new humans Cat has met this way his favourite is the one that smells somewhat like Kurt, who has come to visit them more than once. He does not sound like Kurt at all, is instead low and rumbling as he talks to Blaine, but when Cat jumps into his lap and tentatively kneads it, paws and claws pressing in and out, the human stays still and lets him do as he wants. That first time he dares to curl up into a comfortable ball on the human's lap, comforted by the vaguely familiar scent, Kurt and the other new human are in the kitchen and the entire home is warm and filled with rich smells. A heavy hand starts to rub against the back of his ears, slipping down to the base of his head. It's bigger and rougher than Kurt's, but gentle in its touch all the same and Cat lets his eyes close as he begins to purr.

"That cat," he hears Blaine say, "I swear he likes everyone better than me."

 

 

 **Cat's Kurt**  
Some things Cat knows about his human are: that his name is Kurt and that he somehow believes Cat's name is Mister Arnstein; that he has a Blaine that he brought home one day long ago and with whom he fights all the time; that he goes away after breakfast and comes back before dinner on most days. Sometimes he brings home pieces of fabric or string that Cat is allowed to play with and sometimes he brings ones that Cat is not allowed to touch; Cat never knows until he tries. Cat also knows how Kurt sounds when he is making human noises, or when he approaches and when he walks away, and he knows how he smells, although he can no longer recall how he smelled before he found his Blaine.

Kurt gets angry when Cat hunts amongst his plants, even though Cat is mostly just trying to get the flies that land on the flowers. He doesn't hiss and his ears don't go any flatter but it's in the sound of his voice, in the narrowing of his eyes and the motions of his arms. He never gives Cat any of the food he eats, no matter how delicious it smells or how close Cat gets, although he always makes sure his water is full and fresh.

When he returns home he always bends down to scratch behind Cat's ears in greeting, although he doesn't let Cat settle on his lap until it's late and all of them have eaten dinner and Kurt has gone inside the room with the falling water and come out again. At night, however, he lets Cat sleep next to him, curled up on his pillow or stretched long against his side. Cat knows the rhythms of his human's breath in the dark, when he is about to roll over onto Blaine, and when he is about to crash into Cat, and he knows when to shift closer and when to pull apart.

Cat knows that even when Kurt steps on his tail he doesn't mean to hurt Cat; that Kurt will rub beneath Cat's jaw if Cat nuzzles him enough times, and that he is not allowed to jump onto anything in the room where Kurt prepares all the food.

He knows all of these things and more; he knows, in short, quite a few things about his human from all the days and nights they have been a part of each other's lives, both good and bad. But above all he knows that curled up on top of Kurt's lap, napping in the afterglow of a snack, he is safe.

 

 

 **Cooper**  
The two worst weeks of Cat's life are spent in the company of someone who looks somewhat like Blaine and smells somewhat like Blaine, but is infinitely worse at taking care of Cat than Blaine.

 

 

 **Fanny Brice**  
Cat was in the alley, cold and wet and itchy, when the human in red appeared and put him in her small, dark box. He's been jostled back and forth in the dark since then, and he is very afraid, because Cat knows all about humans. In his short days he has watched them come and go many times from underneath his soggy cardboard box, and he knows they mean no good, they never do. He can't believe this one snuck up on him. He took her for a crafty hunter when it happened, but since then at times she has reached inside the box for Cat, holding him tight and close. He can hear a rhythmic sound when she does and it reminds him of being even smaller, before he could even open his eyes and see, and it makes him want to relax. But Cat cannot afford to let his guard down; even now he is afraid, so afraid that he has not noticed that the shaking of the box has stopped. The human has finally put him down, and now she is making some of those strange noises Cat has heard from them before.

"I was going to name her Barbra, but then I realised that it would be unseemly to call my first born daughter that, if I also used it on a cat. I also thought you would be liable to change it, as I am well aware of your preference for Ms. Lupone. And so I compromised, and, Kurt," the human says, and her fingers reach down into the basket. Cat meows once in fright and presses himself tight against the back, behind the other things, but she finds him, and lifts him up carelessly. She drops him onto another human's grip. "I want you to meet Miss Fanny Brice."

Hands come up to cuddle him, but Cat is scared and his footing unsure, and he slips free of them, tumbling over the side onto something soft and white. There is no cover, and the drop to the ground below is too large, so he makes himself as small as he can, ears flattened to his head. Maybe they won't see him. Maybe they'll forget about him; above him the first human is still talking and perhaps that will be distracting enough. "I know you've been missing Blaine terribly these last few months, so when I saw her I thought she could keep you company through the lonesome winter nights."

"Rachel, thank you but I - I can't," the other human answers, his hands reaching out to pet Cat again, but pulling back when Cat can't contain himself any more and starts scratching behind his ear, where he's been itching for a while. "I can't have a pet in here, my landlord will probably kill me if he finds out. At the very least he'll evict me."

"I can't either, Kurt. And you can't send her back outside, it's going to be 40 degrees tonight! She was alone in the alley behind my dorm, she is tiny and she is cold, and frankly, Kurt Hummel, I thought you were better than this. Who would have thought you would turn away a shivering, starving kitten named after Barbra's greatest role?"

Cat doesn't mean to, but he lets out a quiet meow, and suddenly they're both staring at him again. He huddles, rearing backwards but meeting a soft wall, and the first human's hands descend upon him once more. The other human says, "Rachel, seriously, I can't. I appreciate the thought, I do, but I don't want a cat."

"Well I'm not allowed to have pets in the dorm, Kurt. So at least for tonight she'll have to stay here with you. Nevertheless, I don't just want to burden you, I also brought you some supplies. I didn't buy her cat food because all of it contained meat, but I did get some lactose-free cat milk. According to the internet she is small enough that you may have to feed her using a syringe, if she doesn't know how to lap."

The hands keep rubbing back and forth, scratching behind Cat's ears, heavy over his hunched back. Cat is still scared of the humans, but he cannot deny that he is warmer now. The ground is also the softest he has ever set paw on. His back is slowly softening, his ears no longer as flat, until the second human grabs him, puts him on a colder, harder floor. Cat meows in discomfort and surprise, the first human says something and the second one replies, "I don't care how adorable she is, I'm not feeding her on my sofa." Then he puts some - oh, can it be? - milk in front of Cat.

Because he doesn't quite trust them, Cat sniffs at the milk carefully before approaching it. Satisfied, and with urgency learned on the streets, he laps up as much of it as he can before it vanishes, stopping only once when he really has to scratch at his ear again. But the milk stays there, is even refilled, as the humans watch and make more sounds - "so hungry," the first one says; "that is endearing, I admit," adds the second one - and Cat drinks and drinks until he feels his belly sag and can lap no more. Keeping his eyes open is suddenly a struggle; now he just has to find a quiet, secret corner in which to fall asleep.

 

 

 **Fighting**  
"I'm sorry, Blaine, but I just... I can't. He's just _there_."

"He's your cat," Kurt's Blaine says, rolling off Kurt at last. From his perch on Kurt's worn things, Cat licks his front paw and rubs it against his ear, and then lets out a tremendous yawn. It's late, even for him, and the fairly big dinner that he just ate is making him sleepy.

"He's a kitten! And he's staring right at us. I can't have sex in front of him, Blaine, it's just wrong! Do you really want him to see this?"

Blaine starts the fight again, pining Cat's Kurt down beneath him. "There's nothing wrong with what we're going to do..." he says, nuzzling at Kurt's chin like Cat sometimes does. Cat is going to have to get his smell out of there tomorrow. Again.

"I know," Kurt says, reaching for Blaine. He's doing that strange mouth biting thing they do, the fighting move neither of them really gets right. When Cat bit his siblings, when he was a kitten in the cold street, a carefully delivered sharp bite would end all fights, but somehow Kurt cannot get right, and thankfully, neither can Blaine. "I've missed you, so much, and I really want to make up for your five months abroad. But not with Mister Arnstein watching. It's creepy, Blaine - for me and for him."

"Can I at least blow you? Or is Mister Arnstein going to be scarred by that too?"

Kurt makes a satisfied sound, swiping at Blaine's head. "Only if you do it under the covers."

"When this lease ends we're moving to a one-bedroom, Kurt. With a nice thick bedroom door." Blaine nuzzles again, and Cat flicks his tail in annoyance. Tomorrow morning he will have to sit there and lick Blaine's smell away from the many places it is sinking into right now. Then Blaine disappears from view and Cat hopes they're done fighting and making noise for tonight, so he can return to his nap. But he doesn't sleep long, because soon Kurt is making loud and upsetting sounds and writhing on the bed like something is not right, and all of a sudden Cat worries. He uncurls himself, arching his back, and lopes to his Kurt's side.

His first jump on the bed is interrupted by one of Kurt's arms hitting him on the side, and his claws come out to steady him before he falls down. Kurt yelps and says,  
"Oh my god, ow, get off! Get off, get off, get off!" while flailing his arms, and Cat does not quite understand what's going on, but he tries his best to stay in place, claws firmly digging into whatever is beneath him.

"Hey! What did I do?" Suddenly Blaine is there too. Cat was certain he had gone, but it turns out he was just hiding. Maybe he was looking for some of the things that live under the sheets, the ones that only come out in the early hours when Kurt is still asleep.

"Not you! Mister Arnstein! He just pounced on me, _ow_ , remind me tomorrow to trim his claws."

Blaine makes his own satisfied sound, teeth brightly on display, while Kurt picks up Cat and drops him over the side of the bed. Cat doesn't understand what just happened, but if they're going to keep on making that much noise he's going to sleep somewhere else. It's never fun being around them when they fight, and Kurt smells too much like Blaine right now, anyway.

"Shut up," Cat hears Kurt say as he leaves, tail proudly held high to demonstrate how unimpressed he is. "We'll talk about the lease tomorrow. Now get back to what you were doing."

 

 

 **Fleas**  
When Cat wakes up it's to the second human's face. It's very close, and staring at him. Cat forgets all about the milk, rearing back into wherever it is he fell asleep. But there's nowhere to go and the second human's hands are moving closer and closer until they're all Cat can see, bare teeth flashing as he speaks. "I'm not quite sure what to do with you, but you really can't stay in my bath slippers forever."

His hands nudge and prod at Cat, who recoils again, looking around in search of places he can hide in. "I made you a bed for tonight. Come on, let's go," the human says, walking away. Cat does not understand, and huddles against the warm fuzzy thing he'd fallen asleep on, rear paw scratching at an itchy spot on his belly. The human returns, startling Cat once more.

"I said come on." He bends down, hands in front again, and he grabs Cat, lifting him. His grip is clumsy but not cruel, and as he puts Cat down says, "Here you go. A shoebox and Blaine's ugliest shirt. You better stay here because the last thing this studio needs is hairballs tumbling through it."

Cat scratches at his belly again, rear paw moving fast fast fast against that one spot, but then his back itches too so he focuses on that, scratching it until the human says, "Fanny Brice, do you have _fleas_?"

Suddenly the box is tilting in the air; Cat would jump down and hide but it's too far up. He has no choice but to wait, paws at the ready to leap the moment the human sets the box down again in a different room, immediately blocking the exit as he leaves. Cat explores this new room just enough to make sure there are no secret threats or good hiding spots; he ends up huddled between the wall and a cold, tall white thing. When the human returns his hands are gentle no more. He grabs Cat by the neck, leaves him dangling in midair as the ground moves quickly past, still so far below. Cat tries to squirm, tries to twist and break free, but the human's grip is strong and relentless, and Cat can go nowhere until he's being dropped into a big wet metal bowl. He yowls in shock, although the water is not nearly as cold as it can be outside, when it falls from above. One of the human's hands presses down and keeps him in place and for all that Cat tries to scratch and bite him in order to break free, he does not succeed. Soon he is soaked through, water trickling from between his eyes to his nose and below

"Rachel Berry, you brought a flea-infested animal into my apartment. Actually, you better hope they're fleas, Rachel, because if you brought bedbugs into my apartment I will stop speaking to you. I'm putting you on speaker so you can hear exactly what you're putting both of us through," the human says, and Cat lets out yet another despairing meow, claws scrambling madly to hold onto anything, to get far, far away from the water, while the human jabs a finger at a black thing and then pours more water over Cat's back.

 

 

 **Grooming**  
If there is one flaw in Cat's Kurt, it is that he, alongside his Blaine, are both terribly lazy. They never groom themselves or one another, choosing instead to step inside the room with the falling water. They smell funny afterwards, of things that aren't them, and Cat has to constantly rectify that. It is a constant struggle, having to rub his face and tail all over Kurt every day so he can smell right again. Sometimes Cat even deigns doing it to Blaine, just because Kurt won't, and it's weird when Kurt smells of something that is neither Cat nor, he has grudgingly come to accept, Blaine.

Sometimes Cat tries to teach them, licking Kurt's face and arms, but they never really learn.

 

 

 **Honeymoon**  
"What about Mister Arnstein?"

"You're not going to turn down a honeymoon trip to Europe because of the cat, are you?"

"No, of course not. I just don't want to leave him home alone."

"We'll ask Rachel if she can take him in."

"She won't. You know her new boyfriend's allergic."

"Ah, yeah, she mentioned, you're right. Then we'll ask Sarita, or Phil, or maybe even Cooper, now that he's in town. I'm sure he'd love a captive audience."

 

 

 **Kurt**  
Cat doesn't care much for the human at first, although he finds himself increasingly attuned to his presence, to all of his actions and sounds, because he cannot find a way back to his street and cardboard box. Trapped, he explores this new place, especially when the human goes away in the morning and Cat is alone for long stretches of time. He finds narrow ledges to walk and comfortable places in which to nap and although it's a lot smaller than the places he used to roam, it is also dry and warm. After the first night there is a box where Cat can go when he drinks too much milk, with sand he can kick and bury things in. There are also things to eat, and it does not take Cat long to decide that the soft and wet stuff is what he likes best.

The food is always there and Cat takes advantage of it, eating and drinking until his belly feels heavy and his eyes close - it is so different from being hungry and cold. When he wakes from his naps he tends to lick his fur, making sure every stray hair falls into place, cleaning his face and his side as best as his large tummy allows. Sometimes the human watches and makes strange noises, although he doesn't bare his teeth or try to intimidate Cat like most others do. Instead, sometimes he reaches out and pets Cat, rubbing at his belly, or at his side, or at his head, and says things into the little shiny toy he keeps by his side, like, "Hello Rachel. I'm just letting you know that if I end up keeping Fanny Brice, which is looking increasingly likely because neither our friends, Facebook, or even Craigslist wants a Barbra-cat, you're in charge of buying all of her litter, as befits a feline godmother, which is what I've just made you. I hope your audition went well, call me when you get this."

They carry on like this for a few days, as the human's hands become more adept at finding the spots that make Cat purr, and as Cat starts curling up for his naps a bit closer to the human every time. So far the human has blocked all of Cat's attempts to sit on his lap, but Cat keeps trying, because he has recently realised that the human is _warm_. Far warmer than the box Cat has been sleeping in, and Cat loves warm things. He's curled up close enough this time that he can feel the human's heat, as well as that of the strange warm thing he's got on his lap. His hands are busy with it, darting to and fro in a way that makes Cat's tail twitch, so he bumps his head against the human's arm to see if he won't scratch his ears instead. "Hold on," the human says, hands still moving fast, "I'm trying to email Blaine. I want him to get this when he wakes up."

A few head bumps later the human relents. He puts the warm thing away and buries one hand behind Cat's ears after all. Cat purrs, loud and strong as he rolls over to bare his belly instead. They stay like this for a while, the human's hand moving soothingly back and forth over Cat's fluffy fur. "He'll be back in just a few weeks and then you can meet him, but we didn't think it'd be so hard, and I want to hold him, I want him back in our bed with me, not studying in Dublin a thousand miles away," the human says, hand still shifting to keep up with Cat's twisting.

Just as Cat is about to fall asleep again the human grabs him, raises him up so their eyes align. Cat is not one to back down from a challenge, not even an unexpected one like this, so he stares back until he is interrupted by a yawn. "You know, something tells me you're going to be sticking around and I don't mind as much as I should. So allow me to formally introduce myself: I'm Kurt Hummel, college senior and aspiring modiste, and you, Fanny Brice... are my cat, I guess. And Rachel owes me Wicked tickets for doing this."

 

 

 **Kurt's Blaine**  
With time Cat learns that Blaine is Kurt's like Kurt is Cat's. But Cat does not have to like this. Or Blaine.

 

 

 **Mice**  
The 327th mouse that Cat catches is the most satisfying ever, but also the hardest. Where all the others have stood still while Cat decided on the best way to attack, this one was awake, little nose trembling and long tail twitching. Cat doesn't take his eyes off him for a long time, until the right moment comes and he leaps from above. A perfect kill.

Cat leaves the mouse outside the closed bedroom door. Kurt will be so happy with this gift, he may even forgive Cat for that thing that happened with the plant.

And he's not wrong. The next morning his napping is interrupted by Kurt yelping, "Oh - oh my god - Blaine! Ew. Ew, ew, ew!" Satisfied, Cat yawns and licks his tail, before falling asleep once again.

 

 

 **Moving**  
They move out of the small home to a bigger one some moons later, soon after Kurt's Blaine moves in with them. Here Cat can run and skid on old wooden floors, chasing those mice that smell divine, but the move has made Kurt careless and on many nights he forgets about Cat when he goes to sleep with his Blaine. Cat meows over and over as Kurt's sounds reach him from the other side of the wood, close but out of reach as he and Blaine fight yet again. It always ends, eventually, and Blaine comes and allows Cat to join them. His eyes are sometimes narrow, and his walk occasionally strange, but he always looks smug and satisfied like he's won and Cat does not know why. Half the time he's clearly the loser, with Kurt pouncing proudly on top of him as soon as he returns to their nest, after all.

 

 

 **Name**  
Cat has had many names, none of which he has ever deigned answer to, because none of them comes anywhere close to his one true name, the one he dreams of on naps when his whiskers twitch and his paws clench, when he is the greatest hunter in all of the world.

 

 

 **Nicky Arnstein**  
"And this," Kurt says, reaching under Cat's forepaws, lifting him up in front of the warm thing, legs and tail dangling, "is Fanny Brice. She doesn't know it, but she misses you too."

"She looks very sweet. And I miss you too, so much. Dublin doesn't compare to you."

Cat squirms out of Kurt's grasp, nudges at him to make some room between the warm thing and his arms. Kurt is still making noises at the warm thing, and the warm thing is making noises back at him. Tail up in the air Cat turns and turns, once, twice, until he has wedged himself satisfactorily in the space, flopping down, head resting on his paws.

"Uh, Kurt... Have you taken Fanny to the vet yet?"

"No, not yet. I haven't had a chance, I'll do it this weekend." Kurt says, stroking his hand behind Cat's ears. Cat purrs, and closes his eyes, slowly relaxing. "Why? Did you see something? Is she ill? Did you see a flea?"

"No, no. I just think Miss Brice may be more of a Nicky Arnstein..."

 

 

 **Rachel**  
Cat knows her, the human who visits their home often and makes loud noises; she has always been vaguely familiar. Kurt really likes her, as does Blaine, and although she often tries to feed Cat things that smell terrible and he recoils from, he feels safe enough to nap in the same room as her. But this situation is new: Kurt has never left him alone with her and gone away before. Since he left she has been talking to Cat rather loudly, rudely awakening him from wherever he's curled up to try and sleep. He cannot tell if he has done anything wrong, she waves her hands and moves her mouth a lot like Kurt does when Cat jumps into his plants but then she doesn't follow it up with anything more. It's confusing, and she is doing it again:

 _"I'm gonna live and live now_  
Get what I want, I know how  
One roll for the whole she-bang  
One throw, that bell will go clang  
Eye on the target and wham  
One shot, one gun shot, and bam  
Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am!"

"Well," she asks, "what did you think? Did you like it? Eventually there'll be a revival, and I _must_ be prepared. Obviously I left out the final verse, but given your presence this seemed like the correct place to stop."

 

 

 **Return**  
Cat is not waiting by the door when Kurt returns. His approaching footsteps give him away well before he enters their home, like they always do, but Cat makes sure not to greet Kurt, not to hold his tail straight up and high. He stays away while he and Blaine have their customary fight and say those things about how good it is to be back and how much they've missed each other; he doesn't twist himself around Kurt's legs or try to sit on his lap while him and Blaine eat. Instead he watches them from afar, and recalls every single thing Blaine has done that Kurt hasn't been here to save him from, like stepping on his tail or feeding Cat the wrong stuff.

It's only afterwards, when Blaine has pulled out his warm thing and Kurt is asleep on the bed that Cat finds it in himself to forgive Kurt for his absence, and curls himself up next to his head with one paw delicately resting on his warm skin. He sleeps next to his human until the floor creaking makes his ears twitch and his eyes open to see Blaine carrying some of Kurt's things. His steps are heavy on old wood, and Cat watches from his place on the pillow as Blaine puts things in the closet while Kurt still sleeps.

"Ssh," he says to Cat, leaning over and pressing his mouth softly to Kurt's nose. "Get back to sleep. He's missed you too."

 

 

 **Ring**  
Cat's early evening nap is interrupted when Kurt sits down on the big bed next to him, making everything shift. "Look," Kurt says, holding a small box in front of Cat's face. It doesn't make the right sound for it to be full of treats but one can never be sure, so Cat watches his fingers carefully and is very disappointed when there's only a metal thing inside. "I'm going to ask him today. I know he'll say yes, but I'm still so nervous, it doesn't make any sense."

"Do you think he'll like it? It took me forever to find it, I was ready to have it custom made in the end. But then I found it, and it's _perfect_ for him, subtle and sophisticated. And platinum, which is also important; you and I both know that yellow gold is only fashionable when talking about the Crown Jewels." His voice sounds a bit funny, and his fingers are carding through Cat's fur faster and more carelessly than usual, skipping over some of the spots Cat likes best. But if Kurt's going to stay here and keep on petting him he may as well finish his nap on Kurt's lap, the spot he has always liked best. He just has to knead a couple of the lumps out of the way.

"No, no," Kurt says, pushing Cat away, and hiding the box inside his clothes. "You know better than to come close to my cashmere Paul Smith, Mister Arnstein. Especially when I'm holding an engagement ring. Oh my god. An engagement ring. Blaine's going to be my fiancé, and then he's going to be my husband, and we're going to be the most infuriatingly happy couple in the world."

With a loud huff he gets up, petting Cat one last time. "Yes," he says. "I'm going to go make dinner. And when he comes back and we've eaten and everything is clean I'm going to ask him. And he's going to say yes. Yes he is."

 

 

 **Schedule**  
The schedule is one of the many things Kurt and Blaine sometimes talk about, like the wedding, that Cat does not understand at all. Because most of Cat's days blend into a singular haze of ear rubs, full stomachs and long naps he only knows that it began appearing sometime after a visit to his least favourite human, right around when Kurt stopped feeding him nice things. He'd been poked, prodded and even jabbed with sharp things, all of it as Kurt watched and did nothing to help. When they returned home, however, Kurt had opened one of the small foil bags and poured the entire contents into Cat's dish, so Cat generously decided not to hold it against him for too long. He had eaten while Kurt stood somewhere nearby and said, "The vet called him _chunky_ , Blaine. He said we need to start feeding him diet cat food, and cut down on the wet stuff."

"You certainly took that advice to heart."

"He deserved it! If you ever got a rabies shot I'd let you eat junk food too, you know that."

Cat had not know it at the time, but that was one of the last times he got to eat something nice. Today is the third day in a row that his dish is filled with dry little things instead of the soft stuff Cat likes. And most times when he calls for food, winding himself around Kurt's legs when he goes into the room, meowing as brokenly as he knows how, Kurt tells him, "I can't, not today. We're on a schedule now, Mister Arnstein, I have to be ruthless with you."

 

 

 **Skype**  
Blaine has his own warm thing, but he keeps it hidden most of the time, and he's unsurprisingly a lot less fun at playing the warm thing game than Kurt. Cat stopped trying a long time ago with him. Things must be different today, however, because Blaine has sought him out, thoughtlessly disrupting Cat's third afternoon nap, and is now trying to convince Cat to sit down and stay still by petting him back and forth. Maybe he misses Kurt too; Cat has seem them curl up enough times after a fight to know that they love each other's warmth. Kurt's warmth, his comfort and touch, is one of the few things Cat and Blaine can agree on.

Now Blaine is talking to himself, hands still loosely wrapped around Cat but his attention focused on the warm thing. "How is Tokyo?"

The thing answers back, which is something Cat has seen it do before, when Kurt uses it. Whenever it happens Kurt becomes happy, but Cat doesn't understand why. "Confusing. But incredible, fascinating. They still want me to model some of the clothes, and very politely won't let me say no."

"You're just going to have to say yes, then," Blaine says, and makes one of those warm sounds he often makes when he's with Kurt. "My husband, a man of many talents. You should make sure they give you the original files. Anyway, I know it's morning there and you have to run, so we'll talk again later, but I just had a little surprise for you." He tugs the thing towards himself with one arm, grabbing Cat with the other one and twisting his head so he's looking straight into it. Cat does not see the need for this, especially as he was just beginning to settle into a nap, and turns away. He slips from Blaine's grip, twisting and jumping before Blaine can grab him again.

"Oh, Mister Arnstein! I've been missing him! How is he doing?"

Blaine makes that sound again, leans back and adjusts the thing yet again. "He misses you too. Although he still doesn't like me. I gave him some wet food this morning and you can see how he's treating me..."

"But today is - what day is it there? I just can't make sense of the time difference anymore."

"Wednesday evening - it's not on the schedule, I know, but trust me, we needed it."

"Blaine, you can't let Mister Arnstein boss you around. Now that we're married he's legally stuck with you; it's not like he has anywhere else to go."

The voice fades as Cat walks away to lick at the remnants of his breakfast. It's crusty and dry by now, but there won't be more food for a long time today. It's his favourite flavour, besides, the one that Kurt feeds him when he's feeling particularly kind, and after he's done eating Cat is going to search through the apartment for him once more. Just in case he snuck back while Blaine was wasting their time trying to play.

 

 

 **Travelling**  
"You do it."

"Why me?"

"I don't want him to hate me."

"But it's ok if he hates me?"

"Blaine, dear, we both know he already does. Just put him in the carrier so we can head off."

 

 

 **Warm Thing**  
The best game to play, the one Cat never tires of, is the game on the warm thing. It is the one game where Kurt does not hold back, where he fights with Cat unreservedly, although it always takes time to get him to that point. Cat starts subtly, jumping up right next to the thing and lying down, just one paw carefully extended next to it. Slowly he shifts forward, yawning and flicking his tail, and by then it's both paws and his head, slowly, on the warm thing, and sometimes Kurt's fingers trapped underneath.

Sometimes he tries a different approach, jumping directly up into the space between Kurt and the thing and lying down, head pillowed on one of Kurt's arms. But whatever he does, there is always a moment when Kurt picks him up and puts him on the floor as he says something like, "We've been over this, Mister Arnstein. Many, many times. Cats don't type."

Now the game truly begins.

Cat jumps up again into the space bracketed by Kurt's arms, and turns and turns and turns. His tail is straight up, and it rubs against Kurt's face as he moves, and Kurt picks him up again. "Mister Arnstein," he occasionally warns, "stop doing that." Or maybe just, "No", and then he nudges Cat off to the side, and eventually down to the floor. Undeterred, Cat leaps up again. And again. And again. Every time Kurt picks him up and says, "Stop that," or, "Enough," and drops him down Cat is there again, faster than before. Cat changes things around. Maybe he keeps his rear in Kurt's face, or puts his paws on Kurt's chest or wedges his head under Kurt's chin, or simply paces back and forth. Sometimes he licks at Kurt's nose, and sometimes, if he's wearing them, he enjoys knocking those weird things he puts on his nose and ears off.

It's never quite clear how the game is going to end. Sometimes Cat gets tired and sits down, haunches on the wood, and stares at Kurt, who always ends up rubbing the fur behind Cat's ears. Other times he lays down one final time in that space, surrounded by Kurt's arms and the thing and stares up at him, both of his rear paws pressing against Kurt's warm chest as he falls asleep. He likes to listen to the sounds Kurt makes while playing with the thing but doesn't much care to watch the thing itself. Sometimes Kurt gets up and brings Cat's bed with him, pats it gently and scatters some of Cat's nice green stuff to lure him away but other times he wants to play, and will run his fingers through Cat's fur in deep scratches that make Cat purr.

Cat doesn't lose often, but there are also days when Kurt does not want to play. Those are the times when after one or two rounds he picks Cat up in his arms, careless and rough, and drops him on the floor outside the room. He always closes the door before Cat can rush back in, leaving Cat with no choice but to find Blaine and curl up next to him instead.

 

 

 **Years**  
Cat is dozing on his favourite pillow when the world begins to shift. So he digs his claws in, and soundly disregards the, "Stop that, Mister Arnstein," that drifts down to him. His claws push in and out as he kneads Kurt into stillness; if he does it long enough, he knows, a hand will eventually drift down and bury itself in the fur behind his ears, slowly rubbing back and forth until Cat can't help but purr.

There have been many mornings like this one scattered through the seasons Cat has spent with his Kurt, so many that Cat long ago stopped being able to tell them apart. All he knows are the constants: the slow rise and fall of Kurt's breathing, the warmth of his chest, the way in this moment he always chooses Cat over his Blaine.

Everything about them is lazy and slow, just like Cat - he is old now, and he takes things as they come. He yawns. This is his favourite time of the day.


End file.
